Illness ? Sin ? I am not in control !

God everything seems going well now . School doing good , job on pause . Relationship gg thru mpc. But there is one thing . I remember I wrote to You before . It's my health . This stupid thing is now affecting me so much. I manage to take train . But from time to time or when the train stop , my heart pound like as if it is gg to come out. The weirdest thing is , I am afraid of a stupid thing . I sense danger when I am in train ... It's so weird right Jesus ? I remember when I was close to you , I was afraid of NOTHING ! Except for you. I even took small plane to acheh. I was able to fight side by side with you . Now ? Don't talk about taking small plane , take big plane I am scare too. Don't talk about taking plane , take mrt I also scare ?? I wanna scream to u Lord ! What happen ? Where is the brave Son Of God of Urs? The one willing to go all out for you ? You are so right God , one who die will live, one who try to live will die . I feel so dead now. Even right now my mrt is going in tunnel . I worry like mad ! My heart pound like mad ? Where are You Jesus ? What happento me Jesus ? Pls pls pls sent someone to tell me in the face !!! In words ! I am so far away to hear from you . I am so stupid to know you . I am so weak to lift my hand to you . Pls Lord of the heaven and earth , pls help me . Or am I wandering around the desert now ? 30 years ? U deliver me out of 46 to PsY. I remember Lord , Lord Jesus , I pray that You take this illness away from me . Let it tolture me no more , let it no longer have control in my life . Holy Spirit take back your control of this holy temple , dwell in this temple once again . Lord Jesus take back control of this unworthy life . If it can come in from nowhere , Lord pls make it disappear to nowhere . Do not forsake me Lord . In Jesus name I pray . Amen .