Hey God , it's me again . I am in the train again . I am feeling it again. God why ? Pls tell me why ? The devil attacking ? He got a foothold on me ? he is not suppose to right ? The day I Receive Jesus as my Lord and savior . No curse or devil have anything against me ! I am free again . But why do I feel so trap now ? How can I ever be free again ? I cannot recall the days that I sat in train without fear . I squeeze in train without fear . My mood is so disturb these days . No longer Joyful , no longer peaceful . When the door close , I feel it's gonna close forever , but is it true ? No it's not . It's gonna open in another stop . If not i will walk on tracks . The train is slow , does it mean it's not moving ? No . So what is it is not moving ? I don't know . I forgot to read bible today . Will u bless me if I never read bible ? Will u still be faithful and protect me ? Am I protected now ? Feel so valuable now . Still no words of encouragement from you God . No one tell me in the face . Or is it I need to have faith ? Just like Thomas , once I see ur "hand" that is not faith ? My health is weird . It seems like it is going a downward slope . I still got 8 stops to go . Already pass 5 stops . Feels ok while writing this letter to You. Should I go over to P.S W side ? Or should I stay in FC? now may have someone taking me in FC . How ? I should visit N this coming Friday .. In the nam of Jesus , I reject any foothold or curse that the devil have on me . I reject fear towards this . I declare I will only fear Lord Jesus . I will only please Lord Jesus . ! In Jesus almighty named pray . Amen !

Illness ? Sin ? I am not in control !

God everything seems going well now . School doing good , job on pause . Relationship gg thru mpc. But there is one thing . I remember I wrote to You before . It's my health . This stupid thing is now affecting me so much. I manage to take train . But from time to time or when the train stop , my heart pound like as if it is gg to come out. The weirdest thing is , I am afraid of a stupid thing . I sense danger when I am in train ... It's so weird right Jesus ? I remember when I was close to you , I was afraid of NOTHING ! Except for you. I even took small plane to acheh. I was able to fight side by side with you . Now ? Don't talk about taking small plane , take big plane I am scare too. Don't talk about taking plane , take mrt I also scare ?? I wanna scream to u Lord ! What happen ? Where is the brave Son Of God of Urs? The one willing to go all out for you ? You are so right God , one who die will live, one who try to live will die . I feel so dead now. Even right now my mrt is going in tunnel . I worry like mad ! My heart pound like mad ? Where are You Jesus ? What happento me Jesus ? Pls pls pls sent someone to tell me in the face !!! In words ! I am so far away to hear from you . I am so stupid to know you . I am so weak to lift my hand to you . Pls Lord of the heaven and earth , pls help me . Or am I wandering around the desert now ? 30 years ? U deliver me out of 46 to PsY. I remember Lord , Lord Jesus , I pray that You take this illness away from me . Let it tolture me no more , let it no longer have control in my life . Holy Spirit take back your control of this holy temple , dwell in this temple once again . Lord Jesus take back control of this unworthy life . If it can come in from nowhere , Lord pls make it disappear to nowhere . Do not forsake me Lord . In Jesus name I pray . Amen .