Cell group

Write down
Complains: why is my health like that ? Am I being punish ?
I am too busy to serve You . I need time for myself ?
God ,u must have known by now these r the commen thoughts that I have in my mind from time to time . Just wondering my heart of serving ? Is it contract base or convent base ? If it is coverent  base why was I complaining ? Why was I lazy ? Why was I calcultive ? Why do I feel that I did a lot ? Even until today ? . Lord Jesus I am sorry . Today I confess infront of u . Than how Lord will I have a pure and correct heart of serving ? When Lord will i put down all I have and follow you ? Teach me Lord your ways . I wonder if U tell me what to do . Will I dare to do it ? Will I be willing to do it ? Am I ready to do it .? Lord Jesus , I am not sure . Do I deserve whatever I am having now ? Today this cell group kept me thinking about these.. God are you reminding me ? Are you telling me what  to do ?  The bottom thing I wanna say is . Lord Jesus I still love you!

Teach me

Lord , pls teach me how to depend on you more . That I will pray before I do everything . To give thanks in everything that had happen . Teach me Lord to find joy in everything I Do. Be it study , relationship , test , exam . Teach me Lord the real joy that is from you . Prepare the path before me Lord , so that I can walk behide You , and I know I will be safe . Teach me Lord to be more like You . That I will bless the people around me in Your nAme . That I will glorify Your name . In Jesus name I pray , Amen . :)

8 day of fast

Dear Lord Jesus , pass 5 day was extreme stressful . Praise You and Thank You Lord for ivy . Indeed a gift from you Lord . Something that I dun earn and dun deserve it . But Lord u bless me with it . I wanna cont to fast from game Lord . Weekend is the worst time . Struggle the Most !!!! Lord I wanna show you I am serious . I am serious about getting back to you , althought I dun feel u much . I gonna keep trying . I wanna chase after you . I am serious about getting my health right . I am serious about getting my r/s with ivy right before you . I am serious about doing well in my study and work .. All to glorify You . I will give praise to you Lord ! I want to make a different in others life with Your help , in Your name . Even when I am typing this letter to you Lord . My stomach felt so much better . Thanks You Lord Jesus .

Day 1

First day of the 40 day of fast n pray . God remind me again to focus on him . To focus on my relationship with God . In tc today cannot really focus on God and prayer . Keep thinking about my assigment .I hope wed when I go tc I will do better . Haiz . But at least I manage to fast from game . Did not play any game :) God pls cont to watch over me and ivy . Thank you Lord , in Jesus name I pray . Amen !

1 Day before 40 day of prayer and fast

Today is the first day before 40 day fasting and praying . God r u kicking my butt and telling me to move ? Becoz on Friday I found out that I failed a test that is suppose to be so easy . My pride is so hurt. I guess when the bible say God will humbled u..it's very true.. I always tot I am good in it .. Lol . I reliase without u God . I am still nothing . Tested and proven .i decide to fast from game from TML onwards . I know I can do it . So what should I pray for ? Today I went church with a very heavy heart . I cannot even make myself clap during worship . I can't worship . I don't know why. . But when ps khong talk abt faithfulness and gave the alter call . I cannot control but tear , and I went down . Telling God to renew me , and make me faithful once again . God as my previous entry u know my life got afew problem right now. Big and small . My health , this abdominal pain , mental health problem . My gf' health . My school resulT. All these God I want to lift up to u , and just faithfully go Tc and pray and fast . Rain or shine , light or dark . God I wanna go tc and pray. God I just wanna say thank You for Your faithfulness , even when I am unfaithful . I love You Jesus !! In Jesus name I pray . Amen !! PRAYER POINT 1.Coming back to God as a faithful son of God 2.health (both mental and the physical ) 3.Relationship with ivy lift up to God 4.school work . To learn how to rely on God in all things.

Hey God , it's me again . I am in the train again . I am feeling it again. God why ? Pls tell me why ? The devil attacking ? He got a foothold on me ? he is not suppose to right ? The day I Receive Jesus as my Lord and savior . No curse or devil have anything against me ! I am free again . But why do I feel so trap now ? How can I ever be free again ? I cannot recall the days that I sat in train without fear . I squeeze in train without fear . My mood is so disturb these days . No longer Joyful , no longer peaceful . When the door close , I feel it's gonna close forever , but is it true ? No it's not . It's gonna open in another stop . If not i will walk on tracks . The train is slow , does it mean it's not moving ? No . So what is it is not moving ? I don't know . I forgot to read bible today . Will u bless me if I never read bible ? Will u still be faithful and protect me ? Am I protected now ? Feel so valuable now . Still no words of encouragement from you God . No one tell me in the face . Or is it I need to have faith ? Just like Thomas , once I see ur "hand" that is not faith ? My health is weird . It seems like it is going a downward slope . I still got 8 stops to go . Already pass 5 stops . Feels ok while writing this letter to You. Should I go over to P.S W side ? Or should I stay in FC? now may have someone taking me in FC . How ? I should visit N this coming Friday .. In the nam of Jesus , I reject any foothold or curse that the devil have on me . I reject fear towards this . I declare I will only fear Lord Jesus . I will only please Lord Jesus . ! In Jesus almighty named pray . Amen !

Illness ? Sin ? I am not in control !

God everything seems going well now . School doing good , job on pause . Relationship gg thru mpc. But there is one thing . I remember I wrote to You before . It's my health . This stupid thing is now affecting me so much. I manage to take train . But from time to time or when the train stop , my heart pound like as if it is gg to come out. The weirdest thing is , I am afraid of a stupid thing . I sense danger when I am in train ... It's so weird right Jesus ? I remember when I was close to you , I was afraid of NOTHING ! Except for you. I even took small plane to acheh. I was able to fight side by side with you . Now ? Don't talk about taking small plane , take big plane I am scare too. Don't talk about taking plane , take mrt I also scare ?? I wanna scream to u Lord ! What happen ? Where is the brave Son Of God of Urs? The one willing to go all out for you ? You are so right God , one who die will live, one who try to live will die . I feel so dead now. Even right now my mrt is going in tunnel . I worry like mad ! My heart pound like mad ? Where are You Jesus ? What happento me Jesus ? Pls pls pls sent someone to tell me in the face !!! In words ! I am so far away to hear from you . I am so stupid to know you . I am so weak to lift my hand to you . Pls Lord of the heaven and earth , pls help me . Or am I wandering around the desert now ? 30 years ? U deliver me out of 46 to PsY. I remember Lord , Lord Jesus , I pray that You take this illness away from me . Let it tolture me no more , let it no longer have control in my life . Holy Spirit take back your control of this holy temple , dwell in this temple once again . Lord Jesus take back control of this unworthy life . If it can come in from nowhere , Lord pls make it disappear to nowhere . Do not forsake me Lord . In Jesus name I pray . Amen .